Crazy People, the ones really close to you

I planned and executed a pre-teen trip to Heath Water Park this past Sunday. The planning was not too strenuous although driving down and back was. During this trip is when I realized that the truly crazy people are the ones are the ones closest to you. I had just over 3 hours to figure this out—1.5 hrs down and 1.5 hours home.

This is how I know:

Before we had driven 10 minutes, my co-chaperon received a call on her cell phone from her sister.

Sister: I can’t get the DVD player to work. What channel does the TV need to be on to watch a DVD?

Chaperone: 3.

Sister: It’s on 3 but nothing is happening.

Chaperone: Is the DVD in?

Sister: I’m not stupid.

Chaperone: Is the DVD player on?

Sister: Oh.

Tod, Randy, and Woodie were sitting in the first passenger seat of the 15 passenger van. Their first conversation went a little like this. . . .

Randy: Don’t! The water bottle isn’t all the way closed.

Woodie: Then close it.

Tod: Yeah, close it.

Me: Hey! I don’t want any crumbs, water, or trash in this van or I will skin you all! (pause) Did you hear what I said Tod?

Tod: Yeah. (pouting) Don’t drink any water.

Halfway through the trip to the water park, the other chaperone voices the idea to play “I spy.” The boys, all of the boys rode with us, thought this was a great idea. I did too, until . . .

Zeek: I spy something pink.

Woodie: Her shirt.

Zeek: No

Tod: The stuff up there.

Zeek: No

… …

… …

… …

The guesses get more wild and stupid.

Zeek: No. It’s inside and outside.

… …

 … …

Again, the guesses get wilder.

Zeek: It’s Bree’s shirt.

(Side note: no one had on a pink shirt.)

Randy: How can it be inside and outside then?

Zeek: Well it’s outside this van and inside the other one.

We drove from the Sugarcreek area to 77 South. Before we were on the highway Kristin began asking if we were almost there.

Me: Bristol, if you sit up at the end of the slide your face won’t go under the water.

Bristol: Ok.

As Bristol slides toward the water, at the last moment she leans forward. “What happens” you ask? She falls face first into the pool.

She then proceeded to repeat this confounded action for the last 2 hours we were still at the park.

Back in the van.

Me: Oh look! There’s a smart car. I would like to have one of those.

Kristin: How do you know if it’s a fart car?

It is amazing that God created all of these kids—there were 12 pre-teens all together—with unique voices and humor levels. Some of the kids didn’t say things that were silly, but they sure did act them out. And most of all, these kids were able to enjoy being outside with friends. Thank God that we were able to spend some time together before school started and just relax without parents.

These conversations are not verbatim. I cannot remember them that well.

All the names of the pre-teens have been changed.

Hard Times Call For Stupid-Fun

Recently I have been put to the test mentally and spiritually. Hard pressed on every side, but not crushed: that is the power of God!
So to celebrate God renewing my spirit, I thought I might help renew yours. Laughter is a great way to relieve stress and heal your body naturally. It releases endorphins, the bodies natural "feel good" hormone, which allows you to relax and take some time to just be yourself. ... Right before you run back out the door and get smacked in the face with more stress.

These are actual incidents. Really, I couldn't pretend this stuff happened.

Test Question:
     What decimal do we use for pi?
Answer:
     yes


A student pointed to the inside of his elbow and, very seriously, announced, "I got hit with the football in the nervous system, and now my arm hurts."


I took the class to the gym to study angles. The Phys Ed teacher was standing close by, watching what we were doing. One of my students looks around the gym then sees the Phys Ed teacher leaning against the wall. My student turns to me and asks, "Can I use his legs, Mr. Kelley? They are an acute angle."


While being video taped, one little boy waved and said, "Hey. My name is ..."


"Mr. Kelley, can I take you home with me? ... ... ... So you can do my homework?"


At the beginning of school, a student runs up to my desk!
"Mr. Kelley! Do you know what will happen in two hours?"
"No, I don't. What?"
"I will turn 11!"
"Why not now?"
"Because I was born at twelve something."


Today is National Shut Up Day, so be quiet!
--one of my students made that up


Two students were arguing about playing baseball. After one of the boys became very agitated he said, "I can to hit the ball! ... Just not if it isn't my ball."


First day of school questionnaire:
     Tell me (Mr. Kelley) something I should know about you.
Student response:
     I'm funny, aggressive, fast, and kind of annoying.


Well excuse my bladder!


Multiple choice options:
     A B C D
Multiple choice answer:
     5


Have you ever thought about your favorite color? What if it's red? Then blue is like, "why not me? I'm as good as red." And then there is orange, way out there beside purple; and they are both alone. And what about brown? "I look like crap!" And black is all down in the dumps thinking "only the bad kids like me."


The book read:
     He scratched his head...
The student said:
     He scattered his head...


"When did we cover invisible numbers? Was I asleep that day?"
"Yes. And they are divisible numbers."


A teacher walked in to the classroom and motioned me aside. She pointed out a child with a frown. "Do NOT let him sit down. At all. He just tried to glue himself to his chair. He still has glue on his backside."


While driving, I listened to the driver say "The person in front of us just needs to go a consistent temperature!"


Girl: LBJ! That's Lebron James!
Boy: No. I'm pretty sure it's referring to Lyndon B. Johnson.
Girl: You made that up!


I hope that you were able to at least chuckle at a few of those. There are many more, but some of them need explained and that takes away part of the humor.
The last ditch effort to help relieve stress? Go buy the game "Curses." It comes in a yellow box and can be found on Amazon.com for right around $22.50. Everyone that plays ends up sounding and looking like idiots, but it is well worth it because of the laughter and fun.

Enjoy life, have fun, and do it all with friends.

Kathleen B.

Some of you know, I recently got a new kitty, Finnick. I got him because he was homeless, and I wanted to save him. In the past couple weeks since I've had him, I feel like Fritzy keeps giving me these looks... like, "How dare you do this to me. Now I have to share my bed and food. How dare you cuddle with him when I'm sitting right here!" However, when I go out of my way to cuddle with Fritzy, he

 runs away. He's always been like that. He's always sat and watched from afar, only coming when I give him food or a treat... or if he's feeling lazy and lovey enough to lay on me for a few minutes. Finnick comes always... always wanting to cuddle and give me kisses. I want to give them both my love, because I love them both equally, but Fritzy won't always come close enough to accept it.

I wonder if the way I feel, is how God feels. I sit from afar and watch, waiting for Him to give me things, not willing to give Him much of me. I look at others that get blessings and think, "How dare you! What about me?" At the end of the day, though, I have to ask myself, what am I doing for HIM? Am I actually going close enough to accept His love and blessings?

--from a friend's Facebook, Kathleen B.