A “C”? What the crap? That’s passing, but it’s only average.
I am studying Cooperative Discipline through Critical Connections Academy and Ashland University. The text that this course is based upon is a phenomenal read because of the human insights it provides: Albert’s 3 C’s.
Linda Albert has traveled around the world, helping teachers understand the needs of their students (pre-K through graduate students). She bases her whole strategy on the 3 C’s: capable, connection, and contributing. Show everyone in your classroom (work place, study hall, home, family) that they are capable of reaching their realistic goals; that you care about them and are establish a connection with that person; and make sure they understand you value their contribution to society and your life, or show them how to contribute.
The most profound part of Linda Albert’s teaching has been Connecting. She states that all 3 C’s are critical, but I think that Connecting is the most important because the other two will automatically follow. Connecting doesn’t mean to tell that person or group they are integral to your life, it means showing them.
Acceptance, Attention, Appreciation, Affirmation, and Affection are how we show the Connection. I love it! Meet these basic needs of every human and you are all ready to take on the world. Perhaps you’re not actually ready, but you’ll feel like it.
Acceptance—accept the person as they are, complete with quirks, flaws, and faults. It must be unconditional: there is no substitute for authenticity in our relationships. It is not necessary that you condone the way the person acts or talks and conducts business, but they need to know you accept them as an individual for no other reason than you value their life as a human.
Attention—make yourself available to that person and share your time with them. Many people find it uncomfortable to listen to other people’s problems because of the incorrect belief that we must solve all the problems brought to our attention. No! Just listen. Nod your head a few times. Summarize verbally when they take a breath. Then politely end the conversation without unsolicited advice. They will love it!
Appreciation—this differs from applause because the focus is on the contribution, not the achievement. Focus on the deed. Focus on the present.
Side Note for anyone working with peers or young people: sometimes people need to know that it’s ok to ask for appreciation. It is a normal, biological need. I haven’t figured out how to do this, but some days I even find myself thinking, “I wish someone would just say that I did a nice job, gave great effort, something.” This is normal: the need for appreciation.
Affirmation—acknowledge the person’s positive personality trait(s). Now focus on the doer. Every person has at least one positive character trait. This is also a need for almost everyone: to know that they have the potential to be liked.
Side Note: watch your vocal volume. Not many people over the age of 12 want you to broadcast these things. Just tell them quietly, so one or two others hear it.
Affection—this is simply, “I like you because I like you.” It is always addressed to the doer, regardless of the actions. When you genuinely like other people, it becomes hard for people to dislike you. Hard, but not impossible. This is probably the hardest for me to do, but I’m learning slowly.
Show people you care about them. Not because they’re nice. Not because they’re hot. Show them you care about them because they are human; they are worthy of your acceptance because you are worthy of someone else’s acceptance.
Show someone else you care about them. They deserve it.
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